i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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