Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
