i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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