I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
