you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
