I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
