I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
