Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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