I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
