saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
