look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
