and you said cock pushups were impossible
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
smell my finger.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
