someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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