he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
