Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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