I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
