Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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