He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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