Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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