Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
