He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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