It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
