did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
no, he came in my armpit
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
