I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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