My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
