At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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