a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
