when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
