Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
