Will you blow on my dice?
Can i not drive my cunt home
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
