just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
