You're my little dorito
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
