So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
