Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
