wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
