i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
