Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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