It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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