in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
