Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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