Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
