And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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