Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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