The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
