My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
