i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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