its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
