Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I cockslap morals
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
