Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
