the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
