Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
