Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
