hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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